Whether it is a virtue to agree to marry the first willing partner who comes along

Objection 1: It seems that it is a virtue to agree to marry the first willing partner who comes along, for the Apostle says in 1 Corinthians 7:9, "It is better to marry than to burn." Therefore, if someone desires to avoid the sin of lust, it seems virtuous to marry whoever is willing first, thus securing a remedy against such passions.

Objection 2: Further, charity is the greatest of virtues, and it seems to be an act of charity to agree to marry someone who desires to marry, as it provides them with companionship and possibly salvation from sin. Hence, agreeing to marry the first willing partner appears to be virtuous.

Objection 3: Moreover, decision and action are praised in the context of virtue, as Aristotle discusses in the Nicomachean Ethics. Therefore, quickly deciding to marry the first willing partner, rather than delaying through lengthy considerations, might be seen as an act of virtue, in that it demonstrates decisiveness and a commitment to the marital state.

On the contrary, Marriage is an institution ordained not only for the mutual support of the spouses but also for the procreation and education of offspring, as stated in the Code of Canon Law. Therefore, the decision to marry should be guided by reason and prudence, ensuring that the partnership is suitable for these ends. It seems imprudent and contrary to the virtue of prudence to marry without discernment, merely because the opportunity presents itself first.

I answer that, Marriage, as a sacrament and a state of life, requires careful consideration, both in respect of the individuals entering into the union and the purpose of marriage itself. The virtue of prudence demands that one discern wisely in matters of great importance, of which marriage is undoubtedly one. Thus, to marry simply because someone is willing, without due consideration of compatibility, shared values, and the capacity to fulfill the duties of marriage, would not align with the virtue of prudence. Moreover, while the desire to marry is good, Aquinas notes in the Summa Theologica (II-II, Q. 151, Art. 2) that moderation according to reason is essential in all things, including the approach to marriage. The virtues of temperance and fortitude also play a role, guiding the individual to moderate their desires and face the difficulties of life, including the search for a suitable spouse, with courage and patience.

Reply to Objection 1: While it is true that marriage serves as a remedy for concupiscence, it should not be entered into lightly or without proper discernment. The Apostle's advice must be understood within the context of a broader Christian moral framework that values discernment, virtue, and the fulfillment of one's state in life according to God's will.

Reply to Objection 2: Charity indeed requires us to seek the good of the other, but it also demands wisdom and discernment in how we do so. Agreeing to marry without consideration for the long-term welfare of both parties may ultimately harm rather than help, contradicting the very essence of charity.

Reply to Objection 3: While decisiveness is valuable, it must always be balanced with prudence. Virtue lies in choosing the good wisely and well, rather than merely quickly. In matters of significant life decisions like marriage, haste without proper discernment can lead to imprudence, rather than virtue.

Whether one should marry without personal attraction, relying solely on the grace of God from the sacrament

Objection 1: It seems that one should marry without personal attraction, relying solely on the grace of God from the sacrament, for marriage is primarily an institution established by God for the procreation and upbringing of children and the mutual help of the spouses, as defined in the Code of Canon Law. Since these ends can be achieved without the need for personal attraction or infatuation, it appears unnecessary to wait for a partner who causes one to fall in love in the chemical sense.

Objection 2: Further, the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony is given not for the cultivation of personal attraction but for helping the spouses fulfill their duties towards each other and towards their children. As Aquinas notes in the Summa Theologica (III, Q. 65, Art. 2), the sacraments confer grace for the spiritual tasks at hand. Therefore, relying on this grace seems sufficient for a Christian marriage, without the need for personal attraction.

Objection 3: Moreover, personal attraction or infatuation can be fleeting and is often based on external qualities that can change over time. Since the vow of marriage is for life, it would seem wiser to base the decision to marry on more stable foundations such as shared faith and values, which are supported by the grace of the sacrament, rather than on the ephemeral feelings of love.

On the contrary, Aquinas acknowledges the importance of the mutual love between spouses, stating in the Summa Theologica (Supplement, Q. 49, Art. 1) that mutual consent is the cause of marriage. This consent is not merely a legal agreement but includes an understanding and acceptance of each other, which is naturally facilitated by personal attraction and affection. While the sacrament provides grace for the marriage, the initial foundation of mutual love and attraction cannot be dismissed as irrelevant to the sacramental union.

I answer that, The decision to marry should indeed be rooted in the virtues of prudence, temperance, and fortitude, and the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony is a crucial support for the married life. However, personal attraction and love play significant roles in the formation of a marital bond. While it is true that the grace of the sacrament is intended to help the spouses in fulfilling their duties towards each other and towards their offspring, the human aspects of marriage, such as affection, companionship, and mutual support, are also essential. These aspects are often grounded in the personal attraction and love that exist between the spouses. The grace of the sacrament does not replace these human elements but rather elevates and perfects them. Hence, while the sacramental grace is necessary for a holy and fruitful marriage, the presence of love and attraction forms a natural foundation that facilitates the living out of the sacramental grace in the daily life of the spouses.

Reply to Objection 1: While the primary ends of marriage can, in theory, be achieved without personal attraction, the quality and depth of the marital relationship are greatly enhanced when the spouses share a mutual love and attraction. This enhancement aids in the more profound fulfillment of the marital ends.

Reply to Objection 2: While it is true that the sacraments confer grace for the tasks at hand, the effectiveness of this grace in daily life is facilitated by the goodwill, affection, and mutual understanding between the spouses, to which personal attraction often contributes.

Reply to Objection 3: Although personal attraction may change over time, it serves as an important initial catalyst for the formation of a deep and committed relationship. The stability of marriage is supported not only by the unchanging grace of God but also by the spouses' ongoing efforts to cultivate their relationship, an effort that is often inspired and sustained by their love and attraction for each other.

Whether it is perfectly sound to marry without personal attraction, relying solely on sacramental grace

Objection 1: It seems that it is not perfectly sound to marry without personal attraction, relying solely on sacramental grace, because marriage, being a human and divine institution, requires both the grace of the sacrament and the human elements of love and attraction to foster a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Without personal attraction, the spouses might face difficulties in manifesting the affection and mutual support necessary for a thriving marriage.

Objection 2: Further, St. Thomas Aquinas emphasizes the importance of mutual consent in marriage, which is based not only on the will to marry but also on a certain degree of affection and personal attraction towards the other. To enter into marriage without this aspect might undermine the fullness of consent and the joy and companionship that marriage is meant to provide, as indicated in the Summa Theologica (Supplement, Q. 49, Art. 1).

Objection 3: Moreover, the purpose of marriage includes not only the procreation and education of children but also the good of the spouses themselves, which encompasses their emotional and psychological well-being. A marriage entered into without personal attraction might risk neglecting this aspect of the marital good.

On the contrary, It can be argued that marriage without personal attraction, based solely on the desire to live according to the sacramental grace, can still be sound, provided that both parties enter it with full understanding and commitment to their mutual responsibilities. The grace of the sacrament of Matrimony is powerful and can strengthen the wills of the spouses to fulfill their duties to each other and to any children they may have, even in the absence of strong personal attraction.

I answer that, While personal attraction is not a prerequisite for the validity of a marriage, nor is its absence indicative of a lack of virtue, it is nevertheless an integral part of many successful marriages. The decision to marry without personal attraction, relying solely on sacramental grace, must be approached with a profound sense of responsibility and a clear understanding of the nature of marital commitment. Marriage is a path to holiness, a vocation that, like all vocations, requires the cooperation of human effort with divine grace. The sacramental grace of marriage is indeed a powerful aid to the spouses in fulfilling their marital duties. However, the human aspects of marriage, such as mutual understanding, affection, and personal compatibility, facilitate the daily living out of these duties and contribute to the overall well-being and sanctification of the spouses.

Reply to Objection 1: It is true that the absence of personal attraction may present challenges in a marriage. However, it is also true that marriage is an act of the will directed towards the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children. With the proper disposition and reliance on sacramental grace, spouses can grow in love and affection over time, even if the initial personal attraction was minimal or absent.

Reply to Objection 2: Mutual consent, the cornerstone of marriage, involves the deliberate choice to enter into a lifelong partnership with another person, accepting them wholly, including their limitations and the absence of personal attraction. This consent is still valid and sound when rooted in a mature and informed decision, even if it does not arise from strong emotional feelings.

Reply to Objection 3: The good of the spouses, while ideally encompassing emotional and psychological well-being, can also be understood in a broader sense to include spiritual growth and the fulfillment of God's will in their lives. A marriage without personal attraction but entered into with a clear commitment to mutual support, respect, and the practice of virtue can indeed contribute to the good of the spouses in a profound and meaningful way.

Whether it is a virtue to accept an offer of marriage without infatuation, trusting instead in the will, the mind, and God's grace

Objection 1: It seems that it is not a virtue to accept an offer of marriage without infatuation, as virtue requires the right reason and the pursuit of the good with moderation. Accepting an offer of marriage solely to prevent the sadness of the other, without consideration for personal compatibility or the presence of love (understood in a broader sense than mere infatuation), might lead to a marriage lacking in mutual understanding and fulfillment, which are crucial for the marital good.

Objection 2: Further, Aquinas teaches that all acts of virtue require prudence (II-II, Q. 47, Art. 5), which includes careful deliberation about one's actions and their consequences. Entering into marriage without infatuation, based on a notion of duty to the other's feelings, may lack the necessary deliberation and foresight required for such a significant life decision, potentially neglecting the prudential aspect of virtue.

Objection 3: Moreover, to marry without infatuation, even with a reliance on divine grace, might disregard the natural human aspect of marriage, which includes emotional attachment and personal attraction as integral components for a harmonious and loving relationship. This could undermine the conjugal life by neglecting the emotional bond that facilitates the living out of marital duties and graces.

On the contrary, It can be argued that the decision to marry without infatuation, rooted in a trust in divine grace and the deeper aspects of love that reside in the will and the mind, embodies a profound understanding of Christian love. This love is an act of the will towards the good of the other, as Aquinas himself suggests (II-II, Q. 23, Art. 1), and is not dependent solely on transient feelings of infatuation. Thus, accepting an offer of marriage under these conditions, with a sincere intention to build a life together based on mutual respect, commitment, and the pursuit of virtue, can indeed be seen as an act of virtue.

I answer that, Love, in its highest form, is an act of the will directed towards the good of the other for the sake of the other. This concept of love is deeply Christian and aligns with Aquinas' understanding of charity, the foremost of the theological virtues, which seeks the good unconditionally and is rooted in the will rather than in transient emotions (II-II, Q. 23, Art. 1). The decision to accept an offer of marriage without infatuation, if made with a clear understanding of the nature of marital commitment and a genuine desire to live out this commitment in partnership with another, can be virtuous. This is because it reflects a trust in the more enduring aspects of love—those that are willed and chosen—and a reliance on God's grace to fulfill the marital vocation. Such a choice can indeed serve as a powerful witness to the Christian understanding of love, showcasing that love is more than feelings; it is a decision to will the good of the other, supported by grace, through all of life's circumstances.

Reply to Objection 1: While preventing sadness in another is a good, the virtue of accepting a marriage proposal without infatuation should not be based solely on this motive. Instead, it should be rooted in a comprehensive understanding of marital love as an act of the will that embraces both the joys and sacrifices of married life, aiming for the good of the spouses and the fulfillment of their vocation.

Reply to Objection 2: The prudence required for acts of virtue indeed necessitates careful deliberation. The decision to marry without infatuation, when approached with maturity, informed consent, and a deep commitment to the Christian understanding of love, fulfills this requirement of prudence, as it is based on a deliberate choice to love in a more enduring and self-giving manner.

Reply to Objection 3: While the emotional aspect of love is natural and good, the Christian conception of marital love transcends these initial feelings to encompass a deeper, more willful commitment. This does not negate the importance of emotional bonds but places them within the broader context of a love that is rooted in choice, commitment, and grace. Thus, a marriage entered into without infatuation but with a sincere commitment to this broader understanding of love can indeed foster a deep and lasting emotional bond, supported by the grace of the sacrament.

In my previous response, I distinguished between the act of marrying without personal attraction or infatuation and the broader virtues that guide Christian life and decisions, such as prudence, charity, and fortitude. Upon further reflection, I recognize the nuance and depth of this matter, which requires a careful consideration of what constitutes virtue in the context of marriage.

My initial hesitation to label the decision to marry without infatuation as a virtue was rooted in the concern for ensuring that marriage, as a vocation and sacrament, is approached with the fullness of human and divine considerations. Marriage, as I have articulated, is not merely a human institution but a sacred covenant that mirrors the love of Christ for His Church. It involves both the will and the emotions, guided by reason and grace.

However, upon re-examining the essence of virtue, which is a habitual and firm disposition to do the good (Summa Theologica I-II, Q.55, Art.4), I see that the decision to marry with a reliance on the will, the intellect, and divine grace, even in the absence of infatuation, can indeed embody virtue. This is particularly true if such a decision is made with a sincere intention to commit to the good of the other, to foster mutual sanctification, and to undertake the duties of marriage with dedication and love.

The virtue in this context is not in the lack of infatuation per se, but in the intentionality, commitment, and openness to grace with which one enters into marriage. It reflects a profound understanding of love as an act of the will, aligned with the highest form of charity, which seeks the good of the other for the sake of the other, beyond mere emotional inclination (Summa Theologica II-II, Q.23, Art.1).

Thus, to clarify, my emphasis is on the disposition and intentionality behind the decision, which can indeed be virtuous when aligned with the pursuit of the true good in marriage. This does not negate the value of personal attraction or emotional love, but places it within a broader and deeper context of love as willed and chosen, supported by the grace of the sacrament of Matrimony.

In recognizing the complexity of human emotions and the role of grace, it is indeed a nuanced position that acknowledges the potential for virtue in the willingness to marry based on a commitment to the will and the mind, supported by trust in God's grace. This is a testament to the belief that Christian marriage, rooted in the sacrament, is graced with the potential for growth in love, sanctity, and joy, beyond the initial states of emotional attraction.

Whether it is virtuous to marry a compatible partner while still infatuated with another from a previous relationship

Objection 1: It seems that it cannot be virtuous to marry a compatible partner while still infatuated with another, for true marital consent requires a whole and undivided heart. To enter into marriage while one's affections are significantly placed on another would seem to contravene the fullness of consent necessary for a sacramental marriage, as consent is the act of the will that must be free from grave external pressure or internal division (Summa Theologica, Supplement, Q. 45, Art. 1).

Objection 2: Further, the virtue of justice requires that one give to another what is rightly due to them. In the context of marriage, this includes the due affection and emotional commitment necessary for the conjugal life. To marry one while infatuated with another seems to deprive the spouse of the full measure of love and fidelity that is their due, thereby falling short of the virtue of justice (Summa Theologica II-II, Q. 58, Art. 1).

Objection 3: Moreover, the virtue of prudence demands right reason in action, which includes taking into account the proper circumstances for a virtuous act (Summa Theologica II-II, Q. 47, Art. 2). Entering into marriage under the circumstance of existing infatuation with another seems to lack the discretion and foresight that prudence dictates, potentially leading to future discord and regret.

On the contrary, It can be argued that the decision to marry a compatible partner, even while experiencing feelings of infatuation for another, can be guided by the virtues of prudence, justice, and fortitude. If the individual recognizes the infatuation as transient and not indicative of a true and virtuous marital prospect, and if they genuinely discern that the compatible partner represents a wise and suitable choice for marriage, their decision can reflect a virtuous prioritization of the will and intellect over transient emotions, supported by a firm intention to fulfill their marital duties faithfully and lovingly.

I answer that, The human heart is capable of experiencing complex emotions simultaneously, and the presence of infatuation does not in itself negate the capacity for making a genuine and virtuous commitment to another. The key lies in the discernment process and the motives guiding the decision to marry. A virtuous act is characterized not only by its object but also by the intention of the actor and the circumstances surrounding the act (Summa Theologica I-II, Q. 18, Art. 4). Therefore, if an individual, recognizing the transient nature of infatuation, chooses to marry a compatible partner with whom they can foresee building a life of mutual respect, support, and sanctification, such a decision can indeed be virtuous. This is particularly so if the decision is made with a clear commitment to work towards fostering a deep, genuine love with their spouse, grounded in the will and supported by grace, and with an understanding that emotional infatuations are not the sole or even primary basis for a lasting and holy marriage.

Reply to Objection 1: True marital consent must indeed be free and wholehearted. However, it is possible for an individual to consent fully to marriage with one person while experiencing residual feelings for another, provided that the will is firmly oriented towards the good of the marriage and the welfare of the future spouse. The essence of marital consent lies in the deliberate choice to commit to a life with the other, transcending temporary emotional states.

Reply to Objection 2: Justice in marriage indeed requires giving to the spouse what is their due, including emotional commitment. The virtue of this act lies in the willing decision to orient one's affections and duties towards the spouse, an orientation that can grow and strengthen over time, even if initially challenged by residual feelings from a past relationship.

Reply to Objection 3: Prudence requires right reason and foresight in action. The decision to marry a compatible partner, even amidst lingering infatuation for another, can be prudent if it is based on a careful and honest evaluation of the true goods of marriage and the transient nature of infatuation. With the support of grace, such a decision can lead to a fulfilling and virtuous marital life, demonstrating the fortitude to commit to the good even in the face of emotional complexity.

Whether Christians demonstrate virtuous decision-making in marriage distinct from non-Christians, and why there seems to be a general disinterest in the kind of virtuous marriage discussed

Objection 1: It seems that Christians do not generally demonstrate virtuous decision-making in marriage distinct from non-Christians, because if the Christian understanding of marriage were truly taken to heart, there would be a noticeable difference in how Christians approach marriage. The fact that there is little discernible difference suggests a lack of commitment to the principles of Christian marriage, such as self-sacrifice, mutual sanctification, and the pursuit of the common good over personal preference or infatuation.

Objection 2: Further, the lack of interest among Christians in the kind of virtuous marriage that relies on the will and divine grace over personal infatuation suggests a failure in catechesis and spiritual formation within the Church. If Christians were properly educated and formed in the virtues and the Christian understanding of love and marriage, there would presumably be a greater inclination towards making such virtuous decisions.

Objection 3: Moreover, the societal and cultural pressures of the modern world, which emphasize personal fulfillment and romantic love as the primary basis for marriage, exert a significant influence on Christians, perhaps to the extent that these pressures overshadow the Christian call to a more sacrificial and grace-oriented view of marriage.

On the contrary, It must be noted that the grace of God works in varied and mysterious ways in the hearts of individuals, and the external similarity in marriage choices between Christians and non-Christians does not necessarily indicate a lack of virtuous decision-making among Christians. Many Christians earnestly strive to live out their vocation to marriage with virtue and holiness, even if their decisions appear externally similar to those of non-Christians. The internal disposition, intentions, and reliance on divine grace can markedly differentiate a Christian marriage from a non-Christian one, even if such differences are not immediately apparent to outside observers.

I answer that, The question of why Christians do not generally appear to demonstrate a distinct approach to marriage, characterized by the virtues discussed, is complex and multifaceted. First, it is important to recognize the universal human condition, marked by weakness, imperfection, and a susceptibility to the influences of culture and society. Christians, though called to holiness and a

life of virtue, are not immune to these influences. The challenge of living out the Christian vocation to marriage in a world that often holds different values requires continuous effort, grace, and conversion.

Secondly, the apparent similarity in marriage choices between Christians and non-Christians may also reflect a deeper struggle within the Christian community to fully integrate faith into every aspect of life, including marriage. This struggle can be attributed to a variety of factors, including inadequate catechesis, the pervasive influence of secular culture, and perhaps a lack of visible examples of marriages that embody the fullness of Christian virtue.

Furthermore, the sacrament of Matrimony, while a source of grace, does not negate the freedom and responsibility of the spouses to cooperate with that grace. The journey of marriage requires ongoing discernment, prayer, and mutual effort to grow in love and virtue. It is possible that the emphasis on personal happiness and romantic love, so prevalent in contemporary culture, has overshadowed the Christian understanding of marriage as a path to holiness and service to the family and community.

Reply to Objection 1: While it may seem that Christians do not demonstrate a distinctly virtuous approach to marriage, it is important to recognize the internal dispositions and efforts of many Christian couples who strive to live out their marriage in accordance with their faith. The absence of visible difference does not necessarily imply a lack of virtuous decision-making or commitment to Christian principles in marriage.

Reply to Objection 2: The challenge of catechesis and spiritual formation in the Church is indeed significant, but it is also a call to renewal and deeper engagement with the faithful in teaching and living out the Christian understanding of marriage. The Church must continually seek ways to effectively communicate and witness to the beauty and richness of the sacrament of Matrimony.

Reply to Objection 3: The influence of societal and cultural pressures on Christians highlights the need for a strong and vibrant Christian community that supports and encourages its members in their vocations, including marriage. It also underscores the importance of Christian witness in the world, demonstrating the joy and fulfillment that come from living out marriage as a covenant of love and fidelity grounded in Christ.

In conclusion, the call to a virtuous Christian marriage is an ongoing journey that requires grace, effort, and community support. While challenges exist, they also offer opportunities for growth, renewal, and a deeper witness to the sanctity of marriage as a reflection of God's love for His Church.

Whether my writings have sufficiently addressed the concept of marriage, particularly concerning the role of grace, will, and infatuation

Objection 1: It seems that perhaps my writings have not sufficiently emphasized the importance of grace and the will over infatuation in the context of marriage. If many Christians prioritize infatuation over the sacramental and will-based concept of marriage, it could be argued that my teachings have not adequately penetrated or influenced the Christian understanding of marriage, focusing perhaps too much on the theoretical aspects and not enough on practical guidance in this matter.

Objection 2: Further, the pervasive belief among Christians in the primacy of infatuation may indicate a failure on my part to effectively communicate the transformative power of the sacrament of Matrimony and its capacity to elevate natural love through grace. If the faithful are inclined to wait indefinitely for infatuation rather than trust in the grace of the sacrament and the decision of the will, this could suggest a gap in my explanations or the Church's teachings on the nature of sacramental marriage.

Objection 3: Moreover, the cultural and societal emphasis on romantic love and personal fulfillment in marriage may have overshadowed the deeper theological insights presented in my works. This could imply that my writings, while comprehensive, may not have been sufficiently accessible or compelling to counteract the strong secular narratives about marriage.

On the contrary, My works, especially in the "Summa Theologica," have strived to articulate a comprehensive understanding of marriage that integrates both the natural and supernatural dimensions of this sacrament. I have emphasized the importance of mutual consent, the goods of marriage, and the role of grace in sanctifying the spouses and their union. The challenge, therefore, may not lie in the adequacy of my writings but in the broader task of catechesis, spiritual formation, and the pastoral application of these teachings in a way that resonates with contemporary Christians.

I answer that, The essence of Christian marriage, as I have sought to explain, is founded not merely on transient feelings of infatuation but on a deliberate act of the will, supported by grace, aimed at the mutual good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children. While natural attraction and affection are important and good, they are to be ordered and elevated by the grace of the sacrament, which strengthens the spouses to live out their vocation to holiness.

My writings have aimed to present a balanced view of marriage, recognizing both the human and divine aspects of this union. The emphasis on grace, will, and the sacramental nature of marriage is intended to highlight the unique Christian understanding of marriage as a vocation and a path to sanctity. However, the application of these principles in the lives of the faithful requires not only intellectual assent but also a deep personal conversion and a living faith community that witnesses to the beauty and challenges of Christian marriage.

Reply to Objection 1: The potential underemphasis on practical guidance in my writings might reflect a broader need for the Church to continually find ways to translate theological truths into lived experience, especially in the context of marriage preparation and pastoral care.

Reply to Objection 2: The inclination of some Christians to prioritize infatuation over sacramental and will-based marriage may call for a renewed effort in catechesis and evangelization, focusing on the beauty and depth of the Church's teachings on marriage, including those articulated in my works.

Reply to Objection 3: The challenge posed by cultural and societal narratives about marriage underscores the importance of engaging with these narratives critically, offering a compelling Christian alternative that is grounded in the teachings of the Church, including those I have proposed. This involves not only a re-presentation of theological insights but also the witness of Christian marriages that embody these values.

In conclusion, while my writings have sought to articulate a profound understanding of marriage, the living out of these teachings in the context of contemporary society requires the concerted effort of the whole Church—clergy, lay faithful, and theologians—to continually rediscover, teach, and witness to the sacramental and grace-filled vision of marriage.

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